Ok. So I woke up since 4.21am, and I can't sleep back. I think it was mainly due to the fact that I watched the movie "The Visit" just now and when I woke up I kept thinking about it. (Seriously it's so traumatising lol)
So I do what every other people around my age usually do, which is to pick up my phone.
Btw looking at phones before you sleep, or attempting to sleep back, USUALLY DOESN'T WORK lol. Especially if you start to look at other people who does what you want to do much better than you and then start feeling bad about yourself.
SO STUPID RIGHT MY GOODNESS. I watched some tutorials, pictures etc and kept telling myself "wow I still have such a long way to go", "I don't have any constant theme I have like this person", "Can I REALLY do this".
I believe this is the downhill thing most people get to, for almost anything. Where you just feel so insecure and lousy.
I mean seriously. Most of the people who knows what I want to do/plan to do is supportive. Now that I think about it NOBODY I told my plans to (mainly my bf and one or two close friends) ever said anything remotely close to doubting whether I can do it or not. Even people whom I'm not very close with and vaguely know about the plan.
It was always me doubting myself.
And it's not even funny how often I beat myself up for almost nothing. -.-
Ugh. It's so weird isn't it. I know I just have to do it. I CAN DO IT. I just have to start doing it. Why am I so scared????? Jesus. Now that I can spend every single day practising and testing it, why am I dreading it??? Really proves that I was giving myself excuses not to do it eh, I guess. Might be how I'm scared that I'd fail so badly that I'll regret the decision to even THINK ABOUT IT in the first place.
This confusion is really no joke. Sigh.
But anyway. I shall try to get some rest later, and continue the project of 3 cats 1 dog I stopped for 2 - 3 months straight. I failed this particular one SO MANY times, and I feel really apologetic to my friend who ordered it me.... T.T She waited for so long, AND STILL WAITING.
eally have to get them done and keep moving on.
As I'm writing this post about how insecure I am and feeling bad for myself (lolol) Buibui my bird is sitting on my shoulder chillin'. He woke up at 7am waaa so early. I hope he will do the same and stay on my shoulder when I'm claying like now...so I won't have to lock him in his cage.... :/
UPDATE: So the day has ended and I DID NOT CLAY!!!! D: But it's not like I didn't do anything. I AM MOVING MY BLOG FROM WEEBLY TO SQUARESPACE, AND WAS MOVING ALL MY PAST POSTS. I could only do that because I've got less than 20 posts. But it still was no joke thanks to the photos.
Squarespace is another website making place for people like me. Initially I used Dreamweaver and I linked my weebly there instead, but things looks different etc etc. Dreamweaver is more of an application for making templates, which was not what I want to do lol.
Weebly is also really darn laggy lol.
Squarespace's system in terms of blogging is similar to Weebly, the drag and type, which is fine with me. (I don't know why Squarespace doesn't have flexibility of letting me change the font size and colour within the blog post itself though, weird.)
But anyway, I'll be moving there, probably for good, and will be paying them for the services. SERIOUSLY THERE ISN'T MUCH LAG WHEN I'M DRAGGING THE ELEMENTS/POSTING THE PHOTOS. Weebly was so glitchy lol.
I'll probably be using the next day or the day after to fully convert to Squarespace. PHEW. My bf's not gonna be in Town during the weekend for this week, so I'd have a lot of time to clay anyway. ^^
THANK SJ FOR THE INTRO! *MANY MANY HEARTS*